TO: ALL STARFLEET PERSONNEL ONBOARD I.S.S. ENTERPRISE
FROM: STARFLEET INTELLIGENCE AND PERSONNELLE HEADQUARTERS
INSTRUCTIONS: Read each of these questions and answer them in the best
possible detail. Send them back to HQ in one week. All missing or late
entries will be put on record, and said personnel will be sent to the agony
booth onboard ship.
NAME: Spock Cha'Sarek
CURRENT LOCATION: I. S. S. Enterprise, NCC-1701
CURRENT OCCUPATION: First Officer, Science Officer, sworn protector of Dr.
HAIR: Short and black, beard of same color
EYES: Dark brown and piercing
ANY SERIOUS ILLNESSES, ALLERGIES OR BIRTH DEFECTS? I am a half-caste, less
than a full Vulcan, a disease of its own.
DO YOU HAVE ANY SIBLINGS? One, a brother, Sybok Cha'Sarek. Although
technically, he has been disowned.
DO YOU HAVE ANY PETS? Dr. McCoy
ARE YOU AN ANIMAL LOVER? IF SO, DO YOU PREFER THE CUTE/FURRY KIND OR
THE UGLY/SCALEY KIND? I do not like animals. They are only for food. I see no
reason for me to "love them" when the next one could end up in the
DO YOUR RANKING SUBORDINATES PLOT BEHIND YOUR BACK? All of the time, Mr. Sulu
is currently in the agony booth for such an attempt.
IS YOUR CURRENT RIVAL IN RANK EASILY BRIBED? Mr. Scott is very easily bribed,
and he is the closest one in my rank at this time. All it takes is to give
him a crate of Romulan Ale, and he keeps his mouth shut. Humans do love their
HOW MANY PILLOWS DO YOU SLEEP WITH? None, Vulcans do not need such plush
things as pillows. If the bunk isn't comfortable enough for you, then you are
not a true Vulcan.
ARE YOU A HOBBY COLLECTOR (toys, books, baseball cards, etc)? I collect
Ancient Vulcan artifacts, such as weaponry. I have a lirpa right over my bed,
just in case I cannot get to a phaser or my dagger in time.
DO YOU LIKE EXOTIC FOODS? If we raid an enemy ship, I will of course try
whatever food supplies there are onboard. It makes a pleasant change from the
ARE YOU A GOURMET OR A GOURMAND? I eat, because it is necessary. And I eat
whatever is available. This question is illogical.
WHAT KIND OF MUSIC DO YOU LISTEN TO? I listen to Vulcan war music as an aid
to meditation. And unfortunately, I am forced to listen to what Dr. McCoy has
termed "blue grass." (M-Len, from M-Spock's Bed: You know you like it Spock!
HOW MANY PEOPLE HAVE YOU KILLED (that you can admit to)? Nine, not including
Nurse Diesel. I let Dr. McCoy take the credit for her, just because that's
how they found her, near him. If the crew found out though, they would not
fear him as they do now.
WHAT IS YOUR LIFE'S GOAL? My life's goal is to own a planet for my own use. I
suppose that if Dr. McCoy desires a house built there for us, I will have it
built. (M-Len: Well, you've won me over, Spock. I'm yours. M-Spock: Of course
you are, Doctor.)
DO YOU POSSESS UNCANNY POWERS? I am Vulcan. I possess many abilities. I have
the strength of ten humans. I am a touch telepath, and I can force my will on
another. And I am much smarter than the Captain.
DO YOU KNOW HOW TO USE YOUR ISS-ISSUED FLEET DAGGER? Obviously. I could not
have risen to the rank of First Officer, if I was unskilled in the use of my
DID YOU JOIN STARFLEET TO AVOID A PRISON SENTENCE? No, I didn't. But I can
make a very long list of everybody who did.
DO CRIMINAL ACTIVITES RUN IN YOUR FAMILY? Political corruption runs in my
family, because I come from a long line of ambassadors.
DO YOU SEE THINGS NO ONE ELSE SEES? In the literal sense, no. I am not crazy.
Although I am fairly certain I am the only one who is privilege to one of Dr.
McCoy's "special shows."
IF YOU COULD RE-DESIGN THE UNIFORM, WHAT WOULD YOU CHANGE FIRST? If I could,
I think I would make certain changes in the area of the front and back. Both
would have easy access openings, held together by a button. That way, if need
be, we wouldn't take as long.
HOW MANY TIMES HAVE YOU COMMITTED ESPIONAGE FOR THE EMPIRE? At least twelve.
Although the one with the Romulan Empire was the most interesting. They made
me some sort of breeding stock. They're still searching for me, and Starfleet
refuses to send me back.
DO YOU HAVE ANY DISTINGUISHING SCARS OR TATTOOS? If it must be known, I have
a 6-inch scar on my chest that runs between my nipples. I gained it in a
knife-fight with that Khan moron. He has since learned better than to mess
ARE YOU CURRENTLY ADDICTED TO ANY DANGEROUS SUBSTANCES? No addictions what so
ever. Vulcans have better control than that. (M-Len, walking to the terminal:
I'm offended. M-Spock: Doctor, I could have told them the story of your