Title: If Only

Author: Tempest

Series: TOS

Paring: S/Mc

Rating: PG

Summary: Spock and McCoy wonder “If Only...”

Disclaimer: Star Trek and all of its relations are property of Paramount and Viacom. I only own this story. Problems with male homosexuality? Please stay away. Flames and feedback are welcome. For archiving, please ask author permission first.

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If Only

By Tempest

May 31, 2006

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      If only Captain Pike had allowed himself some happiness.

      If only Gary Mitchell hadn’t gone mad with power and tried to kill Jim.

      If only I had been more familiar with poker.

      If only those miners had beaten Harry Mudd to a pulp for his scam.

      If only we had noticed the transporter malfunction before it split the Captain into two halves.

      If only I hadn’t let my affection for Nancy cloud my judgment.

      If only I had not allowed my emotions to cloud my thinking.

      If only Charlie had been more mature, rather than a girl-crazy teenager.

      If only that Romulan Commander had not resembled my father so keenly.

      If only Roger had lived.

      If only we had been able to decipher Van Gelder’s warnings before the Captain was captured.

      If only Miri hadn’t fallen in love with Jim.

      If only that supply ship, from years prior, had arrived earlier.

      If only I’d held my tongue while Spock worked, so that Boma wouldn’t have thought Spock fair game for insults.

      If only I had realized the tampering with the ship’s computer immediately after it had occurred.

      If only Spock had told us about Captain Pike.

      If only Leonard had not tried to protect Yeoman Barrows’ honor.

      If only Trelane’s parents had spanked him once in a while.

      If only the Captain had not insisted on chasing the Gorn.

      If only we’d figured out that he was named Lazarus for a reason.

      If only Captain Christopher had believed in “little, green men.”

      If only I hadn’t been brainwashed by Landru; the body my ass.

      If only war had not been necessary.

      If only we hadn’t revived Khan.

      If only I had paid more attention to Leila Kalomi.

      If only I’d been born a mason.

      If only we had learned from the Organians.

      If only Jim had let me save Edith.

      If only the Captain’s family had survived the invasion.

      If only our enemies didn’t seem to enjoy sadomasochistic bondage quite so much.    

      If only Terrans were more accepting of IDIC.

      If only Spock hadn’t caught Eleen caressing my hand.

      If only society had been capable of gathering laurel leaves.

      If only that fight with Jim had actually cured Spock of his pon farr.

      If only Commodore Decker had not tried to commandeer the Enterprise for kamikaze.

      If only Scotty hadn’t hit his head in Engineering.

      If only NOMAD had not collided with TONRU.

      If only Chekov had kept his hands to himself.

      If only I had accompanied the away team to negotiate with the Halkans.

      If only I’d realized it was adrenaline before Galway died.

      If only Terrans were more like androids...and androids were more like Terrans.

      If only Jim had let me neuter one of the tribbles to keep onboard.

      If only Captain Merrick had abided by his Oath; and Flavius Maximus had not fallen in love with Leonard.

      If only Spock and his Father weren’t both so damn stubborn; and Starfleet made the dress uniforms more comfortable.

      If only I had run faster during our mission.

      If only the galaxy would learn how disgusting a practice slavery is.

      If only the Captain had not been prone to obsession.

      If only I’d wished Spock good luck.

      If only Leonard had not left his communicator in Oxmyx’s office.

      If only Scotty hadn’t gotten plastered while we were in mid-peril.

      If only Henoch had not used my body for his deeds.

      If only Professor Gill had learned from history.

      If only the M-4 model had functioned properly.

      If only Spock didn’t look so much like the Devil.

      If only Gary Seven had not beamed aboard the Enterprise.

      If only Jim’s ancestors hadn’t been cowboys.

      If only Elean had been male.

      If only we found Jim before we’d left; and I hadn’t been so hard on Spock afterward.

      If only we had informed Leonard about the mission.

      If only those poor children hadn’t been misled.

      If only that female had not removed my brain.

      If only Miranda Jones hadn’t been so jealous.

      If only Leonard had not used his hypospray as a weapon.

      If only Spock and I hadn’t argued so damn much.

      If only Leonard had trusted me regarding his illness.

      If only the Klingons had left us alone.

      If only the Platonians had not forced us on our crewmembers.

      If only Jim had kept his pants on.

      If only Losira had not appeared.

      If only Lokai and Bele had been able to settle their differences.

      If only Garth had Izar had not been given his shape-shifting abilities.

      If only Jim hadn’t had Vegan Choriomeningitis.

      If only the Zetarians had not invaded Lietuenant Romaine’s body.

      If only Jim weren’t so damn headstrong.

      If only Doctor Sevrin had accepted his limitations.

      If only Jim hadn’t fallen in love.

      If only Surak had not fallen.

      If only Spock hadn’t touched Zarabeth; not with me in the next room.

      If only Starfleet allowed women to become Starship Captains.

      If only I had been able to tell you I loved you before the mission ended.

      And if only I had kissed you when you tried to pass me on your way to enter the chamber. I could have saved you, but then we’d all be dead. Maybe things happened the way they did for a reason.

                              Finit