Star Trek Outtakes Part II: The Sequel

Title: Star Trek Outtakes Part II: The Sequel
                                    Author: Tempest
                                    Series: TOS
                                    Rating: PG-13 for implied sexual innuendo and mild swearing.
                                    Summary: I warned you. If I got any more writer's block, there'd be more of 
                                    these. And it happened, and now there are, so please allow me to present: 
                                    Bloopers from TOS Part II: The Sequel. For these bloopers to be understood,
                                    certain changes and assumptions have been made. 1) All of the characters are the same on screen as well as off
                                    screen. 2) Spock and McCoy are lovers. 3) Gene Roddenberry, although a patient man, has been
                                    doing this for so long that he
                                    has little sympathy for the actors. 4) All of the characters are a little devilish 
                                    and like to give Gene a hard time.
                                    Disclaimer: I don't own the characters; Paramount does. I own this story; 
                                    there is a difference.No posting without author's permission. Flames and feedback welcomed.
                                    Mirror, Mirror: 
                                    Spock: Tell me what I want to know.
                                    Kirk: Ask all you want, I won't tell you.
                                    Spock: I will not waste time with you. Your mind is too firm, too 
                                    disciplined. But Doctor McCoy has a plentitude of human weaknesses,
                                    sentimental, soft. 
                                    You may not tell me what I want to know, but he will.
                                    Kirk: <muttering> While you're blowing him?
                                    Gene: CUT! <Staring at Kirk> You ruined a perfectly good scene, Jim. What the 
                                    hell is wrong with you?
                                    Requiem for Methuselah: 
                                    Kirk: My God, I killed her.
                                    McCoy: No, Jim, it was her flaw. She couldn't decide between her mentor and 
                                    her young lover, and so she decided to die instead.
                                    Kirk: <Louder> I killed her!
                                    McCoy: No, Jim, she wasn't alive. She wasn't real.
                                    Kirk: I-
                                    McCoy: <Raising his voice more than necessary> She *wasn't* real, Jim!
                                    Kirk: <Putting his hands over his ears and closing his eyes> La la la la la 
                                    la. I am not listening. La la la la la la.
                                    Gene: CUT! Jeeze, Jim, if you want to act like a kid, go play with Chekov.
                                    Chekov: <Off camera> Heeeyyyy...
                                    This Side of Paradise:
                                    Kirk: Paradise isn't for man. We can't stroll to the tune of a lyre. We much 
                                    march to the beat of drums.
                                    McCoy: Perhaps.
                                    Kirk: <Turning to face Spock> Your thoughts, Mister Spock?
                                    Spock: I have none, Captain, except that, for the first time in my life, I 
                                    was happy.
                                    McCoy: <Eyes glaring> Is that so, Spock? Fine, we'll play it that way. Sulu, 
                                    turn this ship around! We're sending back Mister Pointy-Ears.
                                    Spock: Leonard...
                                    Gene: CUT! Len, for God's sake-
                                    McCoy: <Turning to face off camera> Shut up for a moment, Gene, this is 
                                    important. <Turning back to face Spock> I can't believe you'd say something
                                    that, you green blooded, devil-eared son of a-
                                    Gene: CUT, DAMMIT, CUT!!!!!!!!! <Sighing> Christine, go get the Valium.
                                    By Any Other Name: 
                                    Kelinda: I've been looking for you. Do you remember when you apologized to me 
                                    earlier, with the touching of the lips?
                                    Kirk: Yes.
                                    Kelinda: What I want to know is will you apologize to me again?
                                    Kirk: Like this? <Leaning over and kissing her>
                                    Spock: <Tapping McCoy's shoulder> Doctor, I believe it's time for my 
                                    Stokaline injection.
                                    McCoy: <Looking at him> Hmm?
                                    Spock: Stokaline.
                                    McCoy: What the hell are you taking about?
                                    Spock: It's time for us to have sex in sickbay. 
                                    McCoy: <Eyes lighting up> Ooohhh
                                    Gene: CUT! <Slapping himself in the forehead> Honestly...I had that written 
                                    in there to do you two a favor and still...
                                    All Our Yesterdays:
                                    McCoy: She's lonely, Spock. She'd do almost anything to escape that life of 
                                    loneliness. Wouldn't you? <Advancing on Zarabeth>
                                    Zarabeth: What?
                                    Spock: What are you doing to her? <Voice rising>
                                    McCoy: <Reaching out for her> Tell him, Zarabeth, tell him!
                                    Spock: <Getting up and slamming McCoy up against the wall, so they're on eye 
                                    level and close> Stop that!
                                    McCoy: You're angry, Spock, and that too, is new to you. You're reverting 
                                    back to your ancestors. Tell me, what was Vulcan like 5,000 years ago?
                                    Spock: <Simply staring at McCoy in their current position>
                                    Gene: CUT! <Sighing heavily> Fine, go ahead, the scene's ruined anyway.
                                    Spock: Thank you, Gene <Leaning over to kiss McCoy passionately>
                                    Shore Leave: 
                                    Keeper: No harm has been done.
                                    Kirk: No harm's been done? My friend is dead.
                                    McCoy: <Appearing out of nowhere on the arms of two cabaret girls> No I'm 
                                    not, Jim. I was taken to a laboratory and was thinking about these two girls in 
                                    the front row of a show and here I am.
                                    Barrows: <Gives him a look>
                                    McCoy: Well, I am on shore leave.
                                    Spock: <Gives him a look>
                                    McCoy: I'm boned.
                                    Gene: CUT! Spock, let me explain this one more time. He and Barrows are an 
                                    item in this episode. She's wearing that blasted princess outfit, after all. If 
                                    you want to be his romance this episode, you have to wear the dress.
                                    Spock: With pleasure.
                                    Gene: <Shuddering> I really didn't need to hear that.
                                    The Way to Eden:
                                    Hippie girl: Come look for Eden.
                                    Sulu: Why?
                                    Hippie girl: You'll be able to have everything you want.
                                    Sulu: <Smiling> How do you know what I want.
                                    Hippie girl: You're young. You find me pretty. And judging by those pants, I 
                                    know exactly what you want.
                                    Gene: CUT!!!!! Now you're sounding like them! <Gesturing off screen towards 
                                    Spock and McCoy, kissing> 
                                    I, Mudd:
                                    Kirk: Watch
                                    Chekov: <Offering his hand to Uhura who slaps him>
                                    Norman: Why did she do that?
                                    Kirk: Because she likes him.
                                    Norman: Illogical.
                                    Chekov: <Offering his hand again once more to be slapped> That's it!
                                    Kirk: Chekov, that's not the line-
                                    Chekov: No! I'm getting me some Android twin action.
                                    Gene: CUT! <Pinching the bridge of his nose> Okay, anybody want to tell me 
                                    what was wrong with that scene?
                                    The Immunity Syndrome:
                                    Spock: <In the shuttle>: I am prepared to enter the organism.
                                    McCoy: Spock-
                                    Kirk: Hush up, Bones. Spock, are you certain this will be all right?
                                    Spock: Yes, although the area of penetration will most likely be sensitive.
                                    <The entire bridge crew just bursts out laughing>
                                    Gene: CUT!!! You're adults! Stop it! All right, who wrote that line? Whoever 
                                    it is, is officially sacked.
                                    Once more, this seems to have done wonders for my writer's block. Until once 
                                    more I am afflicted 

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